Lost // Unfound

I guess I'm just trying to find myself and trying to get rid of all the barriers that I've tried so hard to pull out from the last time. I've tried to open myself up but the fear of falling for anyone, even slightly, threatens me and consumes me. I feel as if I will never ever be able to love anyone again, no matter how much I want to. I feel as if I would never be able to commit, even slightly, to anyone. I lose interest far too easily and it gets to me faster than anything else. I want to love, I want to feel... but I can't. I don't want to let anyone come near for the fear of hurting them. Nowadays, I just feel like a shell.. I don't even think I'm capable of love anymore.

#Scorpio invests so much into relationships, but if hurt they withdraw entirely and no longer invest anything at all.

I guess I just need time to recuperate.. and find myself again.

Ok i'm happy nao hehehe

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On another note, I've lost another kg or so! Now I fluctuate between 44kg to 45kg and I think it's pretty stagnant there since I can't seem to lose anymore weight unless I give up my favourite food (which I absolutely can't) and eat clean (which I can't either cuz I feel like a fucking cow lol I hate raw greens eek!) so yeah.. but I've been running very regularly! I run almost every night if I can, or sometimes alternate nights if I feel too tired.. I realize that running not just slims down your overall body but also tones your thighs and butt as well (which I am quite surprised about because I haven't been doing my squats as regularly O_O). I love love love my body now but I'm sure I can make it better!! Gonna start on abdominal exercises soon :)